New Mexico | The land of enchantment, engagement, and expectancy
Rafting and road tripping around the Chama River was one of my outdoor adventure highlights of my time out here. For others who love to get out into the wilds, check out these other activities for nature-lovers in the area.
As I write this, I am in the final weeks of my time in New Mexico, after hanging out here as a home base since May of this year. It is leading me to reflect on what initially drew me out here and how things have unfolded in different and interesting ways than I originally imagined.
In a recent conversation with a friend recently added to the collection, we discussed the difference between approaching life expectantly vs. with expectations. I shared with him that I spent a lot of my life bringing conscious and unconscious expectations to situations, relationships, and experiences, which often led me to walk away with more disappointments than gratitude, and an inability to see the beauty that was there all along. As they say in 12-step communities, an expectation is a premeditated resentment. One of the chapters where this showed up most prominently for me was college, which I think is a common chapter for a lot of people to bring expectations fed by media, family, and society into this widely accepted rite of passage into adulthood.
At 18, I chose a college that aligned with my values at the time…Christian, conservative, with a balanced approach between academics and recreation. I was ready to leave behind the party culture of high school that never resonated for me, and be around people who were willing to seek more creative and wholesome versions of “fun.” I was ready to leave behind my high school romance to find a mature and “Godly man” who we could grow together in our faith and share in leadership and service to others. I was ready to expand my horizons through my coursework and extracurricular activities, and discover what truly sparked my curiosity and interest, beyond what was available in my small town.
Exploring the spiritual traditions celebrated in the area was also on my list. It is a place where many spiritual paths are represented, including Indigenous, Catholic, Buddhist, and Hindu. This is the beautiful grounds at the Hanuman Temple, an Ashram based in Taos. If you need a spiritual boost, check out these options for renewal in the area.
And yet it was clear to me within a few months of arriving at the idyllic campus, that my fantasies might not become reality. I quickly discovered that the student body was pretty sheltered, both by growing up in mostly Christian households, but also in Southern privilege that was often shielded from different types of people and ways of life. This meant that the guys I encountered were strangely even less mature than the guys I knew from high school, and fairly uncomfortable around girls, especially with the pressures around dating and marriage that come from the Christian community. I had the experience of shifting from being a big fish in a small pond in my hometown where I excelled academically and extracurricularly, where being “Scott and Bunny Scutchfield’s daughter” meant something, to just being one of many talented and high-capacity students thrown into the cauldron of disorientation and developmental lessons inevitable in this transitional season of life.
Looking back now, I can see the fruit of this time - deep and abiding friendships with others “misfit toys” who had the courage to chart their own unique path; the resilience of not getting what you think you want/need, and learning to grow in acceptance and appreciation of what is; two study abroad trips that expanded my world views and fed my curiosity about cultures, leadership, and politics on a global stage; and a good dose of humility. I learned a lot about myself in the contrast that experience provided that still serves me today. When we see what we are a “no” for, we can also let that lead us to choosing what we are a “yes” for…some of those things include: I thrive around open-minded and curious people, I enjoy experiences that challenge rather than fully affirm my world view, belonging to myself is more important than belonging to others, and deep friendships can be the greatest romances of all.
So how does that translate to my experience of New Mexico? With a bit more wisdom in the hopper, I attempted to walk into this experience expectant, but without expectations - hopeful, but without too many preconceived ideas about what might transpire. When I landed here in April, I had come off a nine-month streak of not being in any one place for more than a month. I had been invigorated by the consistent change of scenery to that point, but sensed I needed a season to integrate the experiences of travel, new connections, and business experiments.
Poking around the arts scene in the area, with a special interest in the international flavors represented, led me to volunteer at the International Folk Arts Festival, stroll down Canyon Road, visit Georgia O'Keefe's estate, and make a stop at the Museum of International Folk Art. For more info on why this has become an artistic mecca.
It felt lovely to have a romantic partner to discuss my passions for creating community who was well-versed in the study of the Divine Feminine and Masculine; an outdoorsy pal who took me on adventures down rivers and into mountains and shared my sense of humor and entrepreneurial spirit; and a sensitive urban sophisticate who has impeccable tastes in music, fashion, and coffee who was a delightful companion as we roamed through the art scene of Santa Fe. I started to wonder if perhaps there is value in spreading out the love, especially when you are a dynamic person, who has spent a life exploring and honoring her many facets, foibles, and layers.
As I prepare to leave, I have a number of sweet memories of these lovely humans, but also an awareness of the temporal nature of these relationships. While each of the connections ended up having a good amount of depth, mutual respect, and appreciation for the time shared, there was still something missing that would lead to deeper levels of romantic investment at this point. A part of me wanted to devalue these connections because of the ways our society tells us that if a romantic connection doesn’t end in some long-term commitment, you can chalk it up to some kind of failure. But the mirror I was for these people and the mirror they were for me was a huge gift. Sometimes there is no better reflection for where you are in your life than who you are attracting through your dating efforts. And the qualities we admire in those we are attracting are often the qualities we too possess. In one connection I was reminded that I am a teacher, in another a leader, and another a healer. I also saw a balance of masculine and feminine energy reflected back to me…an ability to lead and follow, give and receive, do and be. And a genuine effort to be in the driver’s seat of your own life, choosing to be an actor rather than a reactor.
In this season of dating I have been introduced to the concept of “relationship anarchy” which encourages us to consider forming relationships with people that are based entirely on needs, wants, and desires rather than on socially mandated labels and expectations, and encourages the breakdown of these traditional hierarchies. Something to consider, but also confronting…not unlike the ease of abiding by an existing religious framework vs. finding your own understanding of a higher power, it is not for the faint of heart.
These are the views from my casita in Taos. It has been a sweet home base from which to venture to different parts of Northern New Mexico.
In other updates, the invitations have been flowing, and as someone who is still deprogramming the narrative that “only my direct effort creates reward,” I have been grateful to see that prioritizing joy, peace, and connection instead of hustle can create results. One of these is an invitations to visit a guest ranch in Northern New Mexico as I evaluate potential partners for hosting experiences that have an emphasis on conservation.
The other is an invitation to return to Rwanda for the first graduation celebration for the Rwanda Institute for Conservation Agriculture in early August. During this visit, I will also be pursuing opportunities to explore conservation-related projects on the African continent, including attending a conference focused on the Business of Conservation.
I also accepted an invitation to join The Postcard Travel Membership project to support their efforts to create a global community of mindful travelers, connected to each other and cultures across the world through the power of storytelling (consider becoming a member here!).
And lastly I am preparing to roll out my Vision Activation Coaching Program in the next couple of weeks, based upon testing and learning with a number of friends and colleagues throughout the summer (more info in my next post!). So here is to trusting in the divine timing of people coming into our path as well as exiting, allowing ourselves to honor when the waters are still, as well as when they are rushing. May you also approach the months ahead with a spirit of expectancy, and see what magic is revealed.
