To whom much is given, much will be required | A commitment to truth telling
Kentucky Spring pastime, attending the Keeneland racetrack outing on a Saturday afternoon with Dad, brother and his newly proclaimed fiancee. Welcome to our kooky family Alexis!
“To whom much is given, much will be required.” (Luke 12:48) Since I discovered this Bible verse in my more devout religious years as a teenager, it has felt like a heavy weight that I was encumbered by ever since. As I embarked upon my career, I considered the ways I was well-resourced by a family that had access to privilege, who helped me establish a strong educational foundation, in addition to the natural gifts and talents I inherited, which I felt convicted were meant to be used in service to others.
In my mind I had all the right ingredients to become successful and well-accomplished, and yet as I journeyed through my career, I had a continued sense that something was always holding me back. I never felt truly comfortable assuming the limelight, seeking financial security (much less abundance), or “climbing the ladder.” I subconsciously chose a number of workplaces where I came to realize the leader was often threatened by my own leadership capabilities, through passive aggressive comments or more direct attacks, so diminishing myself became a survival strategy to not attract unwanted attention. And I started to believe that I was the problem.
Through support groups and therapy in my late 20s/early 30s, I began to understand family systems and the roles we play within them in order to respond to the pushes and pulls of the system itself, including competing emotional demands, role definitions and expectations, as well as boundary and hierarchy issues. Having grown up in an alcoholic family, this invitation to reflect upon the roles I learned to play or even the roles that were imposed upon me, shone a light of awareness that brought a great amount of clarity. It also allowed me to begin to see how I was actively involved in recreating some of these family dynamics in my choice of work environments.
Graduations are still my absolute favorite celebrations, so I love the month of May, as it is so full of hope and promise! While visiting my family in Danville, Kentucky, I was able to attend the presentations for the Centreworks Lift-Off program, supporting aspiring entrepreneurs with launching their inspired and community-driven business ideas.
Stories still circulate in our family to this day about “Elizabeth, the wild child”...the Christmas party temper tantrum about how much I hated legos, sneaking away at a summer Country Club party to dance naked in front of a crowd of children in the sand pit, assertively pulling boys into closets to share a smooch, among other shenanigans. My mom has legitimately asked whether I was possibly possessed by some demonic force as a child, and perhaps there was some heavenly intervention that freed me of these emotional impulses? I know it seems hard to imagine for people who now know me as a contentious adult, but I was once a ball of raw emotion and truth, unfettered and untamed. I now understand I was perfectly playing my part as the “scapegoat” of the family, trying with all my might to call attention to the dysfunction in the family that everyone else was desperately trying to ignore and cover up.
The Scapegoat is often considered the “truth teller,” and that has been a source of angst for much of my life. I have continually been able to walk into office environments or group systems and quickly assess what dynamics are at play. It is what has allowed me to make so many career shifts, as I can quickly size up the situation and determine how I can add the most value. And yet the problem with this is when I can see the truth that others, especially the leaders in organizations, often do not want to see, and certainly don’t want others to point out. And at this point I become a threat. And then my inner child feels like we are holding onto this ticking time bomb that we need to pretend doesn’t exist, while also hiding it from the views of others…in the moment it feels truly life threatening. At times I have felt doomed to continue to recreate this pattern, until I would finally learn to speak the truth without fear or repercussions, and trust that my needs would somehow still be met.
It has been a long road to believing my ability to see and speak the truth is a beacon of light rather than a problem to be solved. Committing to this newsletter is certainly a step along the way in that journey. As I talked to my younger cousin at a family wedding this weekend, I found myself uncomfortably saying out loud that I am an innovator, and that my current focus is on envisioning the future of work, community and travel, and determining how I can best support people in preparing for these realities. I also acknowledged that in order for me to do my part, I need to be operating outside of the system, so I can more clearly see where we have been and where we are going. I reflected on how I spent so many years trying to find acceptance and approval within various legacy systems that I knew were deeply broken and failing to meet the current needs of society, whether it was higher education or healthcare. I needed to participate in that “game” as a way of working out my family of origin wounding. Only now am I validating the role I am truly meant to play, where I am taking a higher level of responsibility for being of service to the collective.
Celebrations abound! I love staying connected to those "legacy friends" from childhood and watching them take leaps into new chapters and adventures, including marriage! Congratulations to Molly and Vinay, for your commitment to building a beautiful life together!
Along with this is taking time to address my deep seeded beliefs that I cannot not be trusted with power, success, responsibility, or money. If you have come to believe you are the “problem” then you certainly do not think that you will handle these things with the right amount of care and consideration they deserve. Layer on top of these messages from my Christian upbringing that desiring money, power, and success is deeply lustful, it is no wonder I have somehow resisted these things in my life. As I recently listened to Conversations with God, I appreciated the messages shared that if you are a good person and you have access to money, happiness, power, pleasure, and success, you will have more of these things to share with others. Trust your goodness and trust your ability to be generous.
It is against this backdrop that I am spending the next month in Taos, New Mexico. My next moves involve experimenting with next round of Mastermind Coaching Groups, wrapping up with my Capstone Project for the Transformational Travel Course, advising and consulting some of my transformational travel colleagues, including Amazon Planet Peru and Postcard Travel Club, and seeking to make a return on an investment I made in some Moroccan Rugs (currently looking for interested buyers, if you know anyone who might appreciate this unique look, let me know!).
And I will leave you with a heavier question to ponder in the weeks ahead…what is a painful pattern in your life that you are finding it difficult to transcend? If this question resonates, I pray you might believe there is support available to break these cycles, and find the courage to seek it out. And if I can be a resource in holding onto that hope for you or with you, or pointing you in the right direction, let me know.
