Rites of passage on the wayward path into the second half of life
On the eve of my 41st birthday was the most magnificent sunset that greeted us after a full afternoon of frisbee and splashing around in the cool of the Portugal surf.
At this time last year I was in Rwanda and approaching my 40th birthday. I had a conversation with a friend, coach, and mentor about how I might thoughtfully engage with the transition I was approaching into the second half of life, inspired greatly by Richard Rohr’s concept of “Falling Upward.”. Over the past five or so years I have been intrigued by the idea of “rites of passage,” while also lamenting about how little of these currently exist in the Western world around important transitions that we face throughout our lives.
Currently we rely heavily on the experience of going to college or university to facilitate our transition into adulthood, but most everyone I talk to reflects on how poorly that experience actually prepared them for the realities of life “in the real world.” People in my generation complain about “adulting” as if it is a burden, and not a gift, to have the freedom and responsibility to direct and guide your own life.
I have witnessed many friends make the transition to motherhood, and on the other side, discuss how beautiful it is to watch your raw instincts come to life as you care for a human being that only you have the unique equipment to feed and nurture. Yet so many other aspects of embracing that new role and identity seem to be deeply disorienting, as well as lonely, and no one really prepares you for that part of the equation..
Over this year, I have been introduced to the title of “crone,” which is bestowed upon women once they reach menopause, or typically around the age of 50, where they are gifted with the qualities of wisdom, clarity, insight, repose, compassion and knowledge. And this has given me a beautiful reframe of a more celebratory way to consider the transition women face as they step into the role as a “wisdom keeper” in their later years.
I guess it is my hope we can find more communal ways to support each other through these types of transitions, allowing people to feel more equipped and empowered to embrace the role we each get to play at different stages of our journey. As Bill Plotkin states in “Nature and the Human Soul” where we understand that each phase of development has both a task and a gift to others.
So, it was in this discussion with this mentor that she challenged me to consider designing my own rites of passage/rituals to more gracefully and joyfully cross this threshold, like a true entrepreneur. And so I did…this included choosing a “theme” each month that I was committed to exploring based upon where I am now in life (vs. where I have been previously). Along with each theme I identified an aligned “experience,” sought conversations with select people around the theme, and often identified a book accompaniment.
Some of the themes I explored were: sensuality, motherhood, creativity, health, community, contribution, spirituality, play, home, money, and power. Some activities I pursued in alignment with these themes included creating a pinterest board around my dream home, a sexy yoga camp, egg freezing, a writing course, road trips to retreat centers, visits to intentional communities, co-living in Portugal, investments in emerging artists, and a Sufi/Martial Arts camp.
I was not quite sure where these experiences or experiments were taking me, and at times I felt like I was wandering through some seriously gnarly wilderness or floating in an abyss, but as I approached my 41st birthday this year, I got to look up and see all the beautiful manifestations of the process. This includes an international network of friends, deeper confidence in my coaching skills, upgraded inspiration for how to leverage my background in leadership, innovation, community and personal development, and a vision for a dynamic life I am excited to create (which you can hear more about on my most recent podcast feature on Soul Kitchen, where I discuss how I am stepping into my power as a “Vision Activator”).
Where does this leave me in the hero’s journey? More will be revealed. But what I am more interested in hearing about is what life transition you have been through where you would have benefited from a more thoughtful and communal initiation?
The second Innate cohort was all smiles as we celebrated the birthday of our meditation leader, Will Duncan. Definitely a good-hearted group of folks!
